Why do girls change boys?

I decided to spice things up a bit and get a male perspective on things. I told him that my blog was called "Love Stinks" so to ask me any question that he had relating to love, relationships, and just boys and girls in general.

This is what he asked....

"If girls are so in love with a guy why do they want to change him?"

Wow. What a great question, and it's sooo true. When girls are in relationships they ALWAYS want to change the guy they're with. It could be really simple things like not leaving your wet towels on the floor to major things like totally overhauling their wardrobe.

But, after consulting women on this issue I was informed that men try to change them too. Could this be because we see the potential in one another, and point it out for one another's benefit, or could it just be a way to control your partner?

I logged onto a relationship advice website and got the following info on the subject:

The most frequent complain men have about women: Women are always trying to change them.

When a woman tries to change or improve or correct or give advice to a man, men hear that they are being told that they aren't competent or don't know how to do something or that they can't do something on their own.

Men always assume women want advice and solutions to problems, that that is the best way to be helpful and to show love; women often just want someone to sincerely listen to them.

Women try to change men's behavior by offering unsolicited advice and criticism and becoming a home-improvement committee.

A man appreciates advice and criticism when it is requested. Men want to make improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.

Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express this.

Women want empathy, yet men usually offer solutions. <---keep this one in mind next time you complain to him that you need to lose weight!

To get along, you MUST accept, expect and respect these differences.

There you have it, suprisingly men don't like to be criticized, or have women trying to change them. But women can handle criticism and change if it comes from a loving place, and is mixed with empathy for their situation.

But like all things when the opposite sex collide there is confusion and bewilderment at the root of it all!

-Christa

Dirty Laundry-good or bad?

Recently there has been some controversy surrounding John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. John Mayer is very well-known for speaking his mind and saying things that are a little bit, well, inappropriate. Normally I wouldn't pay any attention to what he has to say-but, his recent conflict with Jessica has peaked my interest.

John Mayer has voiced publically that Jessica Simpson is great in bed! Jessica Simpson responded to his compliment on Oprah by saying, "I don't want people to know how I am in bed."

Now here's the thing, is what he did flattering or rude? Is that too much information to say that she rocks in the sack? Would she rather he said she sucked?

So how much information is too much information, and once a relationship is over, should there still be a rule to keep your mouth shut?

Feedback, Feedback!

Dating Myths 101

I found this article in Cosmo and thought I would share it with all of you. Mostly because I think the idea of "dating" is silly, and also because these "dating myths" (courtesy of Cosmo) are so old school and "yeah I already, like, knew that," that I just had to share them with you!

From now on no more Cosmo! Unless were laughing at them......Whoa wait a second....have I just "grown out" of Cosmo? Maybe I am too old for these articles now...haha.


MYTH: When you're prepping to go out on the prowl, put on a barely there outfit — men like women who show lots and lots of skin.
TRUTH: A new study published in the journal Behaviour found that, to reel in the boys, the ideal amount of flesh you should reveal is 40 percent. A crop top and mini crosses the line from seductive to skanky.

MYTH: If you're into a guy, make the first move on him.
TRUTH: Smile at him, but then wait for him to come to you. A Northwestern University study discovered that the person who does the approaching usually ends up falling harder.

MYTH: While chatting him up on a date, focus on your shared interests.
TRUTH: Discussing stuff you have in common will make you feel connected. However, it's also key to talk about interesting personal experiences and hobbies that are different from his. According to experts, being exposed to new and exciting things increases the chemical dopamine in our bodies, and that in turn builds interest and passion.

MYTH: Eat a low-calorie meal like veggies and salad when out with a guy in order to show that you're attractive and take good care of yourself.
TRUTH: Despite a recent study from McMaster University in Canada that found women tend to do just that, most guys actually go for chicks who will eat a real meal in front of them, says Scott Kudia, author of If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? Not that you should stuff your face, but men want to be with someone who will be herself around him. Nibbling at rabbit food reads as phony and guarded.

MYTH: The first thing that grabs guys' attention is your eyes.
TRUTH: In a Cosmo and AskMen.com poll, 62 percent of guys notice a hot body. Only 27 percent are lured in by seductive eyes. (See myth #1 for a tip on how to show off your curves in the sexiest way.)

MYTH: It's a good idea to "friend" a guy you're dating, so that you can get to know each other better and feel closer.
TRUTH: A study published in CyberPsychology and Behavior found that being Facebook friends with the person you're seeing increases relationship jealousy (ahem, like by clicking through pics of each other with your respective exes). It also leads to a sense of over familiarity that can doom a relationship, particularly in the early stages.

MYTH: Don't talk about yourself too much on a date or you'll seem narcissistic. Instead, ask him plenty of questions.
TRUTH: You should absolutely show sincere interest in him. But it's equally essential to refer to yourself during conversation. Men go for women who use the word I frequently, according to a study published in Personal Relationships. Researchers surmise it's because that term indicates self-disclosure, which promotes intimacy and closeness. It also reflects your independence — a huge turn-on.

Morning Glory

This morning i was driving to school, as i always do, and i noticed something that i feel like sharing with all of you. All two of you people reading this right now!

For those of you who live and drive in the city you may have noticed that people can be downright evil. I have been missing the days when courtesy waves were mandatory and being let into a lane was standard, but today there was a light at the end of the tunnel!

I am always put in the situation of having to hang a left at alfred and main street, with oncoming traffic neverending and morning drivers being in foul moods, not too inclined to slow down to let me pass. Today, however, was a special day, and it got me thinking, that this happens a lot and i like it.

All three lanes slowed down and let me cut across them. They could have kept going, they could have just let me sit there for another five minutes until there was a lull in traffic, but they didn't. Thankyou courteous drivers, thankyou. I waved at them with a big smile on my face and felt a renewed faith in mankind.

Christa

...Even things which are sacred are shared

J.D. Salinger passed away a couple of hours ago at the ripe old age of 91. As the author of the Catcher in the Rye I thought of him as an interesting character mostly because he created my favourite character.

I have followed Holden Caulfield's adventures yearly since the age of 14, and I am always pleasantly disturbed by his antics. I have been asked several times why the Catcher in the Rye is my favourite book, and also why he is my favourite character. The truth is that I don't really know the answer, but I do however, always answer the question.
I say that his version of humurous depression amuses me, that I love his negativity towards the world, that his honesty is refreshing, but those are all lies. I am intrigued by Holden because I really don't understand him, because being privy to his mind's meanderings enables me to lose my mind for awhile. It is because I am so borishly sane and normal that I enjoy escaping into his world.

I selfishly thought that I was the only one that experienced this book this way, that I was the only one that "got it". I found out on Facebook that he died, and I found out from people that also love the book, and also feel close to it the same way that I do.

So that got me thinking....how many other things are there, that I assume and take comfort in thinking belong to me, experiences that I deem sacred, but which are actually shared with others? Can anything ever belong only to you? I am going to assume not, as once they are in the mainstream and can be easily consumed by others, they are no longer personal, they don't belong to you anymore, they belong to everyone.

Realizing that I share this book with others will change it for me. I imagine that when I next read it I will be forced to think of others who have read it, do read it, or are reading it as I am.

This is the most honest blog entry I've ever written.

Consume away! ;)

90's Dance Party!

Ok people, I have a real treat for you! The Aftershow on MTV hosted a 90's Dance Party tonight, and it was the most fulfilling 30 minutes, since I dont know when! Sure, sure there were bands like n'Sync, BSB and Spice Girls, but there really was so much more fun stuff to listen to in the 90's. What a trip down memory lane that was! I can't believe how cool I once thought I was...weird how I was cooler at 12 than I am at 2-? hehe.

Some of the classics whose video clips were shown were B4-4 (shown in picture, how awesome was their hair?!), S Club 7 (download "S-Club Party" for a truly religious experience), 98 degrees, Brandy, Robin, and All Saints (download "Never Ever" and "Pure Shores", I just finished listening to both and got mad flashbacks of me doing karaoke in my living room).

However, I must admit to a sick, sick favourite from the 90's that I'm sure you all loved too, but would be way too embarrassed to admit now.

"Saturday Night" By Whigfield. Trust me, it's wicked.

Have fun rocking out to old 90's tunes! ;)

Sexual Harrassment?

I am writing an article on sexual harrassment in the workplace for my upcoming mock magazine. So far the process is going terribly bad. I contacted The Manitoba Human Rights Commission and was told some "interesting" things by one of their workers who fields calls and logs filed complaints, however, there is no solid statistical evidence which backs up the "fact" (I think it's a fact) that sexual harrassment even exists.

The stats are dismal, in the last year there have been only 35 complaints filed, 35! So I am wondering if people are too scared to say anything about it, or if they don't really care anymore.

Has our society become so sexualized that sexual harrassment is now a non-issue? Does that mean that if I am feeling uncomfortable with being talked to inappropriately in the workplace that maybe I'm just not that "hip to the jig" and I need to loosen up?

Personally, I think it would be nearly impossible to sexually harrass me anyway cause I'd just knee a brother in the balls, laugh and walk away, but what about the women/men who just aren't that fierce, like the people who are too shy or too scared to stand up for themselves? What happens to them?

Also, if there are no stats and no complaints are filed inside or outside the workplace, than maybe there really is nothing going on....?

I am torn, this article is sooo confusing. But... I will still write it, "grey" areas included! If you're really lucky it may even end up posted here... ;)