This is what he asked....
"If girls are so in love with a guy why do they want to change him?"
Wow. What a great question, and it's sooo true. When girls are in relationships they ALWAYS want to change the guy they're with. It could be really simple things like not leaving your wet towels on the floor to major things like totally overhauling their wardrobe.
But, after consulting women on this issue I was informed that men try to change them too. Could this be because we see the potential in one another, and point it out for one another's benefit, or could it just be a way to control your partner?
I logged onto a relationship advice website and got the following info on the subject:
The most frequent complain men have about women: Women are always trying to change them.
When a woman tries to change or improve or correct or give advice to a man, men hear that they are being told that they aren't competent or don't know how to do something or that they can't do something on their own.
Men always assume women want advice and solutions to problems, that that is the best way to be helpful and to show love; women often just want someone to sincerely listen to them.
Women try to change men's behavior by offering unsolicited advice and criticism and becoming a home-improvement committee.
A man appreciates advice and criticism when it is requested. Men want to make improvements when they feel they are being approached as a solution to a problem rather than as the problem itself.
Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express this.
Women want empathy, yet men usually offer solutions. <---keep this one in mind next time you complain to him that you need to lose weight!
To get along, you MUST accept, expect and respect these differences.
There you have it, suprisingly men don't like to be criticized, or have women trying to change them. But women can handle criticism and change if it comes from a loving place, and is mixed with empathy for their situation.
But like all things when the opposite sex collide there is confusion and bewilderment at the root of it all!
-Christa
It's all about give and take. It's about actually appreciating a change someone's made for you, so that changing yourself doesn't really seem like so much to ask. I mean, we need to accept the fact that for most couples, we did not grow up with eachother. We've developed habits that might drive the other up the wall. It's all about whether or not staying together is worth changing for one another.
ReplyDeleteBut I definitely agree about women wanting empathy more than anything. Whenever my fiance comes to me with a complaint, I give her 382 ways to fix it when she doesn't even wanna fix it!! All she wants is to hear me say "I know how you feel" and hug her =P Interesting blog, thought-provoking.